Happy Sunday! We awoke to a winter wonderland here in the Midwest. We are so fortunate that a storm hit on a Saturday, so there will be far less people on the roads. It is still snowing lightly. We have a guy plow our driveway and shovel the walkway to our door. He was here an hour ago, but it is already white again. Hiring this young man a few years ago has been life changing – for $25. There could not be a better use of our money.
This week has been crazy as I started a new job. Coming into this week, I had only missed hitting over 10,000 steps one day in the past 17 or so. I know myself, and knew I would not be able to continue this trend over the first week of work. I did not hit my steps all week (in fact – only around 3k a day), until yesterday. I am really proud of my food choices this week, though. I am well within my points for the week.
Brian also started a new job on Monday. He likes it, and that makes my heart happy. I am also relieved that we have health insurance again. We were without it for a month, and that was scary AF. Not having insurance at any time would suck, but I was especially nervous amid a pandemic. I fell down our stairs (about 6 stairs or so) last weekend. I was trying to get in some flights of stairs for exercise. Thankfully, I was holding the railing. I had shoes on. I didn’t miss a step. I am not sure how it happened – my knee may have given out. That fall could have been lifechanging, had I really hurt myself (ER, surgery plus no insurance…no Bueno). I was lucky in that I have only been sore this week. My overweight body is not happy with me.
A friend posted a throwback picture this morning, of a fun night from ten years ago or so. Her husband had a charity bowling event every year, and we always had a blast. Seeing the photo made me miss her, our group of friends, and being back in WA. I am not sure why seeing this picture brought me back to a missed trip, as it is not something I ever think about. She had invited me to go to Hawaii with a couple of friends, many years ago. She wanted to pay for the trip and told me I would not have to worry about anything. She was persistent, but I could not accept. I would not allow someone to pay for something like that for me. Today, I felt regret for tuning it down. She offered because she wanted me to be there. I would have had a blast. It got me thinking about regrets in life. I don’t have many. I do not see the value in regret. In saying this, yes, there are a couple of things I wish I handled differently – and if could go back in time – I would. Outside of that, I would say any regrets in life, are about things I did not do. In my life, I let fear and pride get in the way of a lot of great adventures. Thank God, I let go of a lot of that in my forties and now live for new experiences. I do not want to look back on the second half of my life with any of those same regrets from my younger years.
I weigh-in for my WW app on Mondays. I do not have a healthy relationship with the scale, but I acknowledge it is a necessary evil in my weight loss journey. I know the scale is not everything. It took me my whole life to get to this point. I still get anxiety before stepping on every week, though. I was down 1 ¼ pounds. The first thing that goes through my mind (with any loss) is, thank God, I did not gain. Next, I stare at it – thinking it should have been more. I marinate on this in the shower. I stayed within my points. I got my steps in every day. I wonder if I cheated myself and ate more than I thought – maybe I didn’t track right. On and on and on, when really it might not have been any of that. I log the weight and finally….I celebrate. I think of the scale going in the right direction. 1.25 pounds is fucking awesome. I think of a pound of hamburger and what that looks like, and that is no longer on my body. I think about how I don’t have to take Tums anymore. I think about how much money I save by eating out so much less. I think about my BP and how I am doing all I can to lower it. Also, I celebrate my skin – which has responded well to a clean diet.
I went into the month of January with a goal of eating less meat. Brian and I both were going to allow for 1-2 times a week. I had chicken fried steak the day before I started writing for accountability (previously wrote about) and I had a Jr. Cheeseburger from Wendy’s during a 3 hour drive while on my period. The fact that I did not try to eat a triple cheeseburger of some sort is a minor miracle in itself. I am happy with the low meat consumption. I went into the month thinking I would not drink. Well, I shit the bed there. I did drink a few times. I am okay with it. I didn’t drink this week. I drank less in a month, than I had in a lot of weeks over this past year. There are times I miss it. I wanted to drink last night, but I try to save drinking for “social” events (which obviously look much different in the age of COVID). I recently read about a man’s weight loss and he cut out drinking – stating it was easier to not drink, than it was to just have one. I can totally relate. I also wanted to complete a plank challenge, but my shoulder would not allow for it. At about a week and a half in, I had to wave the white flag. The bff and I have been good accountability partners. We check in on most nights simply saying how we did. There is only encouragement. I am lucky to have her.
I weigh-in again tomorrow, and I will be okay with whatever it is (after my initial head fuck of half hour or so). This is a journey.
I will continue to remember that my hunger for life, is more than my hunger for food (most of the time anyway).
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite Brandi songs. These days we go to waste like wine that’s turned to turpentine. It’s 6 AM and I’m all messed up. I didn’t mean to waste your time, so I’ll fall back in line. But I’m warning you, we’re growing up.
Have a wonderful week,
Jenn
diaryofherjourney 