Happy Saturday! I hope you were able to sleep in. I have been up since 3:30 or so, but I did not get up until after 5. It is supposed to be -20 with wind chill factor today. I wish I were still snuggled up under the covers. I don’t know why my sleep patters have been so jacked up again but hopefully this will be short lived.
Brian is now through his first two weeks of work and is happy with his workplace. He has also been lucky enough to work most of it from home. The work he does, mostly needs to be done in person. His commute – 100 miles each way into downtown Chicago… So, we have truly appreciated how things worked out in this first couple of weeks.
Me, well, I think I am going through some sort of midlife crisis when it comes to jobs. It has been brewing for years now, but I feel it now, more than ever before. I have been thinking of my former co-worker Donna, a lot lately. Yesterday I received a lengthy email from her. It was good to hear from her, but my heart breaks for all she has been through. We worked together at my last job. We got along well. She was old school, put your head down and work – but was fortunate to get to know her on a personal level, as well. She and her husband David were a year or so away from retirement when I met her. David was able to retire first. Donna was to be about six months behind him. They had been building their retirement home in Galena since I met her. They had saved their whole lives for retirement. Donna is so good with money – unlike me. I asked her how they were able to save so much, and she shared her budget spreadsheet with me. While Donna was still working, she needed knee surgery and went out for what was supposed to be six weeks. The knee surgery caused other knee issues and subsequently, she had two more surgeries. She kept in contact all the while with plans of returning to work for a bit. Over the holidays of Dec 2019, Donna’s husband became suddenly ill, and they learned he had cancer. Donna was forced to retire, so she could care for him. Her husband fought the good fight but lost his battle around the holidays of this year. It has always made me angry – they worked so hard their whole lives – living frugally – finally building their dream home – and never got to fully enjoy it or retired life together.
Donna’s situation has stayed with me. There is more to life than spending our days doing a job we don’t enjoy (in my case anyway). Life is hard and demanding, though. We all have bills. We have commitments and obligations. We do need to think about retirement – all while trying to not let life pass us by in the quest for financial security.
When I left my last job, my plan was to take some time off. I was burned out. The job, this pandemic had all gotten to me. I wanted to focus on my health and on writing. It was unfortunate when Brian’s job was suddenly outsourced to India…leaving us both scrambling for jobs. We were lucky in that we both had offers right away and started our new jobs on the same day. I knew the first day of my new job, that it was not the place for me. I was to replace the purchasing manager who was retiring. We were in this tiny office, with our desks, back-to-back about foot and half apart. The purchasing department is in a small office, attached to our office. There is a sliding door there, but it is always open. I was the only one wearing a mask. The president of the company does not believe in them, so people don’t wear masks. I had been told their MRP system was outdated, but in reality, there was not MRP system – just a makeshift way built around, not having a system. Without the proper tools, the team prints everything out and writes all the information on paper and transfers notes onto post its and puts them on a corkboard. My days were spent copying and pasting information in the computer and then writing things out. I need stimulation. There were many things, but I could not see this as my life. It was easy enough. I could have gotten by. I had a good salary. It scared me, that I could see myself doing this day in and day out for years, always being unhappy. I beat myself up over this. I was lucky to have a good job. I knew I should be grateful. I told my friend Caity about what I was going through and how I could not stay. I expected for her to try and talk me into continuing, instead she said, “I’m proud of you for knowing what won’t work for you. You’re amazing!” She also sent me the meme at the top of this post. I gave the job two weeks, hoping I could see things differently, but I left the job. I am thankful to Caity and for my Friday night zoom happy hour friends for supporting me in this difficult decision. The BFF had sent me some gifts in celebration of me taking that job – I wonder if she’ll want me to return them? J/K. If I offered, she would tell me they were my “Taking care of you,” gifts.
While all of this was going on at the new job, I have been working with my first editor again. She is now working on a magazine and is sending me copies, encouraging me to submit some articles. Me? She is amazing. My friend Asha is also reading my book for the first time. While I was wanting to stab my eyes out at work, she would send me the nicest texts about where she was at in the book. Yesterday she said, she finds herself wanting to yell at the girls – Don’t do it! before they go on to their mistakes. The writing thing will likely never go anywhere, but the dream is alive, thanks to supportive people like Lesley and Asha.
I also think of my former boss and mentor. When we were in the UK on business, we got quite tanked (more than once, ha, along with our colleague B3). It was when we were drunk that I confessed I really don’t like what I do for a living. His reaction- But you’re so good at it! Imagine how good you would be doing something you liked! I have never forgotten this. This meant a lot coming from him.
I did not do shit for exercise during the work week. My diet, though, was on point, and I was rewarded with a 2.2 pound loss this past week. I am nervous about my upcoming Monday weigh-in, though. I ate through the stress on Thursday. The chick who has hardly consumed meat in 2021, ate a bacon cheeseburger and tater tots, complete with ranch dressing and finished the day off with a vegan (but fatty) ice cream bar. I got back on it yesterday, though. Those days will happen. The key is not letting a moment, day, week, or whatever, of weakness, keep you from chasing after your goals. Each night I try to reflect on what I have done that day to get me closer to my dreams. Being skinny is not a dream. Being fit in a healthy body is part of the dream.
I hope this day finds you one day closer to your dream.
~Jenn
And just like Magic, Xanadu just came on the 80’s station I’ve had on in the background. Cheers to ONJ! Enjoy.
diaryofherjourney 