Coming to you live from my reclining love seat. My butt has been planted here or I’ve been lying down with foot elevated and icing, for the past eleven days. Today is the day to get back on schedule with real life things (work on my book, writing this post, reading, etc). We are told the, nearly three-hour, surgery went well on my foot and ankle. One wouldn’t think a foot wouldn’t be such a big deal, but boy oh boy, it is. Pain wise, I would say it was worse than knee surgery, but it doesn’t even touch neck surgery. When things feel like they suck with this, I remind myself how lucky I am to not have the horrid nerve pain that came with neck surgery.
All in all, I feel really lucky with this surgery. The first couple of days were easier than I thought they might be. A few days in, I had a short stretch of bad days. Any time you’re dealing with surgery, it gets tough. You don’t poop for a week or more, anesthesia is always tough on me with nausea that last for many days. I was on pain meds, and it was a little hard to have good control over the knee scooter and there were many times I ran over my “good” foot or toe. Thankfully that part has gotten much better. I’m truly grateful for the advice of a good friend who the same surgery on the foot part, when she said to take it easy. She overdid it (by simply trying to make a smoothie) and it landed her in an ambulance to the ER when her back locked up on her. When you’re working on one leg (especially when it’s a bad knee) and bending and twisting and using these different muscles, the body is not real forgiving. I have gotten a lot more brave lately (doing dishes a few times and putting laundry in washing machine, etc), but I am very careful. I’m hoping on Wednesday, I will graduate to a walking boot. It will take a bit to actually walk, but I am super excited at this prospect. It is one step closer to healing this part of the body.
I have been so blessed with family and friends who have been there for me every day since before and after the surgery. Anyone who has had surgery knows just what a head fuck it all is. You’re in pain. You feel alone, etc. This surgery has been the best in terms of support, and it makes all the difference. I urge you to be the person that checks in on someone when they are going through surgery or a tough time. I promise: they will be so appreciative, and they will never forget you. I’ve been showered with meals, books, flowers, nice visits, good phone conversations and texts. I knew how hard this was going to be, and I did ask my baby sister to be there for me. She heard me. Being heard is one of the most precious things there is in this life (especially in a house full of boys 😊 She called me for days leading up to the surgery and after. She took time from her day to plan some of these long calls, while she was vacationing in Honolulu. I am so appreciative of my family and friends for making me feel so loved and cared for.
It always helps to keep things in perspective when going through dark times. I have some that are close to me, that have gone through absolute hell lately. I do feel helpless, in that I can’t just drop food by or be there to give a hug. I don’t know…as I start to write, it’s too heavy to write about and not my stories. COVID is still a giant MOTHER FUCKER. It’s times like this, where I wish I were someone who used the C word, because that’s what goes through my head. I’m not going to sit and preach about getting vaccinated. Some of those closest to me don’t believe in it, and we agree to not even talk about it – knowing we can’t change each other’s minds. I will say this…The first time I left the house in over a week, was Friday when Brian drove me half hour each way for me to get my second vaccination. It was rough with all the movement. It was rough when I had to scoot through this large building from place to place to get that second shot. I was rough, fearing a bad reaction – which thank God, I did not get. But I tell you what, I feel beyond grateful to have been vaccinated. I feel beyond grateful that everyone in my house has at least one shot under the belt. COVID is a MOFO that is still making people I love, sick. It is still taking the lives of their family and friends. I’m just praying enough people get vaccinated, so that we can put this C word of a virus in the past. – I thank God that the vaccine is now becoming so much more widely available.
No real good segue way here. I had put off the job search for a while, as I knew the surgery was coming up. I did apply for two jobs right before the surgery, knowing it takes a while to go through the process. I did interview with both of them last week, and I believe they went well. I should know more about them this week. One of them I am really interested in. I have had a couple of different offers since I last wrote, but they were not the jobs for me. I am being selective. Jobs are such a big part of our lives, I just really want to make the right move.
I’ll also continue to try and make the most of my time off work, to find an agent for my book and figure that stuff out. Everything takes a long time – especially when you’re a first time author, without an agent etc already in place. I did add a new chapter to my book. I had felt it needed it, and my editor suggested it too. I had to sit with it for a while. It’s not easy to plop down a new chapter a third of the way into a book, that has been completed for some time. I like the way it came out, even though, I’m still trying to get used to it. It helps pulls things together better. I sent the chapter to my editor. We did not talk money. She edited it and also went back into the following chapter and gave suggestions to help tie things together. I sent her some money via an app. She returned the money, giving me the sweetest note. This woman, does this for a living….and she did not want to take my money. Instead, she told me she hoped me downtime after surgery has given me a lot of time to think about the next book. To have someone believe in you like this and simply want to support me….Dude. It is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
I’ve now been off the hard pain relievers for a bit and can keep my eyes open throughout the day. I’m looking forward to taking advantage of this time to work on the things that bring my soul peace.
I did want to say, that initially after surgery, I had a hard time eating. My stomach was so upset. I counted my points. I made good choices in order to be healthy. Then, after several days, I got HUNGRY. And I really haven’t stopped eating (mostly shit) since. I need to pull it together. I was afraid this would happen. Staying on track isn’t always easy, and especially when I don’t have the luxury of using my feet to stand in a kitchen or to workout my mental stuff through walking and hiking, etc. I do need to get back to it, though. I need to nourish my body as it tries to heal itself. This will be a long journey, and I need all the help I can get. I need to start off each day with a smoothie or fresh juice. I feel like I can maybe do this now (be more active in the kitchen). If I start my day right, it makes all the difference. My whole routine is so thrown off (including getting up late). So, please send me some positive energy.
I received some awesome news about a friend getting a clean scan today (they had been checking for cancer). It totally makes my day! I look forward to working on book, reading, and allowing myself 2 episodes of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” today. I hope the day brings you happiness in all the ways that are most important to you.
Thanks for reading,
Jenn
diaryofherjourney 