Good morning! It’s Friday, and I have the day off. We are going on a college visit with Caleb. He’s already been to two, but Brian took him to those. His schedule has been more flexible than mine. I didn’t want to miss out on this last visit, though. I missed Ryne’s as Brian always had some weekdays off. So, I’m stoked to go on this one but sad I missed the others at the same time.
I haven’t been writing lately. I’ve been in processing mode. I was tired of not feeling right and sought out a naturopath. Traditional medicine wanted to put me on more meds. I hate taking medications. In fact, about the same time, is when I went off my antidepressant. My hormones have been leveling through menopause, and although I still suffer at times, I felt the nightmares and night sweats were likely caused by the antidepressant itself. After being on it 13 months, I went off. The timing was good or bad, I guess, depending how you look at it. I am thrilled to be off it, though, as nightmares are gone and night sweat much better.
For quite a while, I thought I had carpel tunnel. I thought it was weird that it would come and go. Then, I experienced some excruciating pain in my wrists – again coming and going. It wasn’t until I had some experiences when it felt like every joint in my body was hurting, and my pinkies looked broken, that I began to strongly suspect rheumatoid arthritis. The mere thought of this, scared the fuck out of me. Two people I’m close with have it, and it can be awful shit. I immediately began to clean up my diet even more. I scheduled an appointment with the naturopath and my primary to get a referral to the rheumatology department.
Caleb was in the care of a naturopath when he was young (until we moved to IL and we were in the middle of nowhere). This Dr. made the biggest change in Caleb’s wellbeing. We saw changes in his Autism behaviors and got his gut cleaned up. I’ll always be grateful to Dr. Chapman for what she did for him. I truly believe, because he was so young, she changed the course of his life. I’ve never seen one for myself. I googled and found one about 35 minutes from my house (we are at least closer to civilization in this town). She had great reviews and I made the leap. I wanted answers, not Band-Aids, not drugs. We met for an initial consultation and then another appointment where I gave blood for labs. While giving my blood, my blood just stopped flowing. I’ve never had that happen. She tried the other arm nothing – then both hands, nothing. She said, “We sometimes see this with autoimmune diseases.” I knew then: I was fucked. My naturopath then went on a six-week vacation (to Alaska of all places 😊 So, I had to be patient with the results. While she was gone, my appointment for the referral came up. I forgot that I had chosen to share info between the naturopath and my primary, and at that time, she had some of the results. It was there that I learned I have the RA marker and my RA numbers were high. I also found out my thyroid numbers were crazy as well as my inflammation levels. Crap.
When my naturopath came back from vacation, the other shoe dropped. I learned of other labs with even more autoimmune crud. The initial news of the RA labs, hit me hard. Going through the labs, one by one, damn near knocked me out. I’ve never been a Why Me person. It has always bugged me when people go to that place – but with this, I thought – What the fuck? Everything I’ve been through in the past few years, physically. I don’t get it. Yes, I’m fat, but not all fat people have these surgeries and other shit. I take lots of supplements. I’m active. I do a lot of good things. Why? Not proud, but just what I went through. I only told a couple people in the aftermath, and then after short bit opened up to a few more. When going through big things, you know most people won’t get it. We generally only truly get it when we’ve experienced the same thing. I needed the people I confided in – to get it. I knew my life would never be the same, and I wanted the love and support one would deserve in the moment.Mostly, I did get what I was looking for. I will never forget those people for loving me when I felt so defeated.
The naturopath recommended doing the Whole30 eating plan. At this point, I had already made major eating changes in past 6 weeks or so. When first making the big changes to my diet, there was no change in the scale. It took me a few weeks for the weight to slowly start coming off. The thyroid stuff explained that. Prior to making big changes in my diet, I had been putting weight on super easily and thought, man menopause really fucks up one’s metabolism. It was nice to actually have a concrete reason, in the thyroid. The Whole30 plan is meat heavy. In an oversimplified nutshell: it’s meat, heavy vegetables (potatoes are allowed), and fruits. Grains, beans, dairy, sugar, corn, sugar substitutes, preservatives, baked items, any dessert (even with Whole30 approved foods) are not on the plan. If you slip, you start over. This plan doesn’t fuck around. I’m not one that is big on meat, even going years only allowing for seafood and eggs. It has been a long time since then, but even now – especially since refocusing my eating habits at the end of July or so – I hadn’t eaten much meat. In fact, my cholesterol numbers are outstanding. So, to go on a diet that depends on meat, was a real mind fuck. I chose to trust in the naturopath and do it. It is supposed to help inflammation and is a gut reset. All good things when tackling autoimmune issues.
Brian wanted to support me and agreed to do the plan with me. The bff doesn’t eat meat, so she found a strict vegan plan (SOS) to follow (the strictest diet she says she’s ever done) in order to be supportive and my sister Brooke went more whole foods based when I started as well. I’m grateful for the support in this, and it is fun to trade photos of meals with Amy and Brooker as we are in our respective plans.
Our last day of the Whole30 is Tuesday. From there, we go on a ten-day reintroduction period. The intro time is designed to help you recognize foods that upset your gut and make you feel shitty (mentally and physically). This plan has been an eye opener for both Brian and me. Because the plan allows for absolutely no sugar or sugar subs, you really need to read labels. I was shocked to find corn syrup as the second ingredient in my fave taco sauce, sugar in bacon, corn starch and sugar in lunch meats, blah, blah. Essentially you really need to check processed meats. There are a couple of compliant bacon and sausage manufacturers out there, but most stores don’t carry and it’s crazy expensive. Bacon is only meant to be an accompaniment to a meal (like crumbles in salad), not be the main meat in a meal. I like this about this plan. It makes you investigate all your meat, and prefers you eat organic.
In addition to learning that most things with a label are not compliant, I’ve also confirmed that red meat does not agree with me. This is great information moving forward, as red meat is inflammatory.
The plan does not allow for alcohol. Not drinking for a month, has been good. I drank less in recent months anyway, but going a month made me focus on why I drink. I crave it most when anxious or feeling down. That’s exactly when I shouldn’t drink. In all honesty, a friend offered free concert tickets last night, and I didn’t take them – because I knew it would be hard to be at a show without drinks before or during… So, alcohol is definitely a social thing for me, too.
The achiness in my hands and feet has gotten better a couple weeks in, but soon it returned. I’m sure it’s because it’s getting colder. I don’t know if they were feeling better because of the plan or all the supplements I’m on. Overall, I feel better, though. I had been incredibly fatigued for months – even hard to keep eyes open when driving. The fatigue is getting better. Again, not sure if plan or supplement related or both. I’m also sleeping better. Brian, however, had immediate results with this plan. He took two prescription meds a day for heartburn. Within one week, he dropped one and shortly after, dropped the other. He had also been dealing with a significant intestinal issue, and because of this plan, was able to pinpoint it to being ibuprofen related. He has bitched and moaned through this entire plan. Really. It’s been kinda unbearable. But he is happy to have done it, and I’m so glad his health improved so quickly. He plans to move forward with lifelong changes after this experience.
I, too, will take a lot of what I’ve learned into the future. The plan was easier for me, than it was Brian as I had already cut out soda, cut down on alcohol, and gone more whole foods before starting Whole30. Still, this plan taught me, I wasn’t doing near as well as I thought I was. Moving forward, I plan to follow a lot of the fundamentals, except for meat. If my gut does well with the reintroduction of beans, including tofu and rice, I’d plan to move forward being more plant based. In addition to the reintroduction phase, I’m expecting results from a food sensitivity test I’d done with the naturopath any day. I need to be sure of what my body doesn’t react well to, as I’ve gotta get rid of this inflammation. Oh, and this plan has taught me to love sweet potatoes. I never liked them before. They are now, my go-to food.
Formal diagnosis take time and aren’t easy with autoimmune stuff. The naturopath and my primary were quick to diagnose, but it will be a process through the rheumatologist and there are still things we have to put names to. We know my body is at war with itself and my thyroid appears to be a victim of what’s going on. We don’t know all that’s causing it. The rheumatologist did baseline x-rays, prescribed meds (which I’ve yet to take) and will follow up in three months. The rheumatologist talked about how autoimmune stuff presents differently and doesn’t mean it is RA, even with the labs. According to her, it could be other autoimmune things. Just something else to make me feel crazy for a minute, but really as long as we are finding effective treatment plans for now and long term – official names of things don’t matter to me right now.
Going the naturopath is good but expensive. It’s not covered by insurance. The first month of supplements, cost about as much as both car payments. She also wants me to do this program (chiropractic, acupuncture, etc) but again, mostly not covered. I haven’t decided on that yet, but I did start getting massages again, which are supposed to be good for autoimmune.
I hope this post doesn’t seem like I’m complaining. I’m getting things out. It’s scary knowing my body has things that will never go away – but thankfully can go into remission. It’s scary knowing my joints can have permanent, irreversible damage. My hands already look different (both pinkies and a ring finger). But there are positives: this is a wake-up call. It is forcing me to FINALLY put my health in order. It has been difficult to know that RA is often triggered by trauma. I can put two and two together on when body started feeling different. It is hard to look at. It is painful to know my reactions to things, could have caused this (who knows maybe not). This is all forcing me to work even more on anxiety and stress levels. I am not good with that. I don’t often handle it well. I’ve definitely been a work in progress and have come a long way, but this all has taught me, to focus only on the most important things in life.
Life can always be worse. I know that. That’s not what this is about. I’m writing about what I’m going through in the moment. It hasn’t been easy. I don’t have food and alcohol to fall back on, as I have my whole life. I don’t have an antidepressant to numb the feelings. I don’t have a therapist – their practice is taking a pause. I’m forced to work through all of this through with healthy measures. I couldn’t do that in my first 49 years. It’s high time I learn to take care of myself. I wrote this one late night, Giving up foods…my addiction. My go-to throughout my life. My comfort. Who will be there when food can’t? I feel so alone. A woman, who has a lot of work yet to do on herself, wrote that.
Moving forward, I will just post the on my website and probably on my FB diariesofherjourney page only. I just wanted to put this on my personal page, one last time, in case anyone is going through their own things – so they/you don’t feel alone. As always, feel free to reach out to me. If you want to continue to read, you can subscribe on the home page of the website. It sends an email when I post is all.
I wrote this over the course of a couple days, and I need to get Jesse out for a walk, before football starts. Remember, how I’m focusing on what’s most important? Football is one of the most important things 😊
Have a wonderful day,
Jenn
diaryofherjourney 