Hello there! It’s been a minute….well three and a half years to be precise. The call to write has been stronger at times than others, but I’ve avoided it as I’ve been protective of my own privacy. It’s hard to have a blog without truly sharing your life. The call to write lately has been a scream – a scream that I’ve been suppressing. I’m re-reading the book, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, my favorite author. A friend gave me another copy last Christmas and I’d been drawn to it once again. The book is effectively about utilizing your creativity. This time around, the book has taken me to when I was first told I was creative. Yep, a step back in time from a gal who doesn’t remember a lot of her childhood.
I was in Mrs. Emde’s third grade class. I adored her. I loved her stories. I especially enjoyed her talking about church and God. Look, I’m not sure that it would fly today, but at that time, it touched me deeply. Mrs. Emde went to the Episcopalian church to which my family belonged. I’d heard stories from my Grandma Mona about my grandfather, Father Hall, and Dr. Bangman drinking that 90% alcohol whiskey. She loved to talk about it, because she could then say she only drank 2% Schlitz. Honestly, I spent most of my life believing her, until we moved out to the Midwest, and when a friend came to visit, I insisted we visit this bar that had a Schlitz sign, so I could have one in honor of my grandma. The beer (or shall I say malt liquor) was 5%. I’d bet a nickel that back in the day, it was even much higher. So, what I knew most of the church that we belonged, although nobody from the family regularly attended, was that Father Hall (who had long passed) was a helluva partier.
I’d confided in Mrs. Emde that I would often race with God. I was a child who always needed to be active. I played outside all the time. When I wouldn’t have anyone to play with-I would race against God, who would be next to me, miraculously I would always squeak out the win. There was no judgement from Mrs. Emde as I feared there would be. She’s the only one I ever told about racing with God, until just yesterday – when I told a friend the story and how I felt compelled to write about Mrs. Emde.
In third grade, I decided to go to church. I would get myself ready and walk myself each Sunday. I LOVED it. I became an acolyte and thought it was the highest honor. I looked forward to the wafer (body of Christ) or on holidays, real bread at communion but couldn’t stand the wine. Yes, back then they served real wine. It’s funny how things change over the years. At Christmas Eve Mass this year, I was disappointed at the juice they served in lieu of wine. I don’t go to church regularly anymore and haven’t for years. It’s funny…as a child I wanted to be the first woman Episcopalian bishop. I was at the drug store when I was a young teen, and the pharmacist (a congregationalist) sought me out to tell me the church as just named their first woman bishop. Big sigh. I was so crushed.
Mrs. Emde would always say I was “creative” in my report cards and parent-teach conferences. Every single time. It would take the air out of my balloon. I didn’t want to be creative (I probably didn’t even realize what that meant). I wanted to be smart, a leader, all the things I thought were important back then. It was creativity that was my trademark according to Mrs. Emde. And I’ll say, God bless her for it. I’m having a physical reaction right now just thinking about the third-grade teacher who recognized something in me that I wouldn’t be able to recognize in myself for decades. I know over the years, I could write. I could make up stories. But I would never have defined myself as a creative. As I sit here at fifty-three years old, I feel so blessed to know this about myself and embrace it-and not feel shame. I feel so grateful to have had an influence like Mrs. Emde in my life. She affected my life in so many positive ways. She was my confidant, and a support system to a brain that was always going every which way- and loved me even more for it. She helped to shape the person I am today.
I have many friends who are now teachers. I’m so proud of them for the work they do. I have no doubt, that in their own ways, they are somebody’s Mrs. Emde
Yours,
Jen
diaryofherjourney 